High time...

Dear All

It seemed very timely when I discovered this website a couple of weeks ago. It now feels the right time to introduce myself. I would greatly value any comments or insights readers have, at what is a bit of a ‘crunch’ time for me.

I am a 39 year old woman. My teens and twenties were spent forcing most of myself, and everything i loved inside (yoga, dancing, music, dressing up) to train to be a doctor. It was miserable, but by sheer willpower, perfectionism and a fear of failing I got there…potential high-flyer.

From the moment I started working, it felt so wrong… I felt like a fraud, like the odd strange girl, too funky, like a purple pea in a pod...I tried to be 'proud to be purple' but it didn’t stop me wanting at every moment to escape...

I had a child too early in my career. I changed to a non-clinical specialty to try to ease the pressure, but the feelings of being unfulfilled, bored, lost, trapped remained. I felt frustrated and resentful, because I had no time for the things I love in my heart.

I finally resigned from being a hospital doctor 3 years ago....I wouldn’t recommend trashing everything with no idea what to do next...its very traumatic and debilitating for a while.

On leaving medicine, I qualified to be a yoga teacher, having practiced yoga and meditation for many years. Since then however, I seemed to have done everything to avoid accepting that teaching yoga and working for myself is what I want and need to do with my life. I have been stuck, unable to let go of the potential financial security being a medic can offer, being unable to move forward in the direction I want to go….going round in endless circles half-considering a possible return to medicine, but being unable to betray myself to do it…..being unable to accept the life I want to lead because it seems so crazy, because I doubt I can survive, believe in myself etc.. I have spent much of the last 3 years telling myself ‘ I don’t know’ what I want to do, masking my dreams in confusion, because ‘knowing’ would mean having to take responsibility.

This last 2 weeks, with the help of this resource, I have finally accepted that however terrifying, my heart is not in going back to be a doctor!! I’ve too much to give to watch myself become bitter, and take my dreams to the grave. There is a song in my heart, and it’s like I can’t do anything else now, but my resistance and lack of business knowledge is still stopping me moving forward!!!

I’ve decided just to write my dream out here...so this is it, in a very raw simplistic form, for the first time ever on a page!
 
I know that in my heart I am desperate to create my own business around holistic and healthy lifestyle promotion, centered on teaching Yoga and relaxation. This could be adult, child, pregnancy, baby, older adult, corporate, one-to-one. I love yoga, meditation, relaxation training, spirituality and personal development. I am passionate about healthy eating, nutrition and exercise. I am currently training flexibly to be a personal trainer. I am desperate to make some impact in this spirit-poor society in which we live.
I love and am unable to stop explaining all the time!! about how our bodies work, disease processes and how to stay healthy. I am a good teacher and speaker, although I’ve never done enough not to be scared. I know I love and need to write, and would love to write a book one day.
  
I have absolutely no business training at all, and I am sure not knowing where to start is a major part in my huge anxiety! But I have a fantastically bright analytical brain, it just seems to fall apart when I try and think about this business idea.
 
I know I just have to start in baby steps…and get more knowledge!!
 
Many thanks for reading all this!! Just to put it on a page is very liberating.

It’s a tremendous hurt becoming so off ones purpose and course, a real spiritual pain, and I am grateful for people who have the courage to follow their hearts and inspire. I hope one day someone will feel that about me, when I stand, instead of hide, and show up, instead of running away!

Its time…high time
 
Emma

Hi Emma

Great to have you on board and thanks for your honesty

Just a few initial thoughts from what you’ve shared:

1.                   The transition you are making may well feel daunting – I can empathise – when I was in the corporate world I dreamt of making a living out of inspiring and teaching people, writing and being more creative. I could never figure out exactly how I could make it happen, and still haven’t! But nineteen years later, I am doing pretty good and many of my dreams have come to fruition. I can only suggest that there is “divine plan” waiting to unfold and your path will appear as you travel it. You’ll develop a greater trust in yourself and greater forces.

2.                   All I think you can ever do is take the next step and then each following step as you travel. You will never know how it is all going to work out, and its learning to live with that and not feel fear or frustration or overwhelm. Become an expert in small steps!

 3.                   Who you are is fine – I think your path will be one of self love and self acceptance, not trying to mould yourself into anything other than your authentic self. Part of what may well happen is that what you are most struggling with now is what you’ll gradually transform and those struggles will become strengths and cornerstones in your life where you are most able to help others

4.                   Think about your step – have you created any income from your new skills and talents? That is a significant threshold to cross – once you are across it, then you know your projects are real and work and then you can look to attract more clients and opportunities. We can help you learn the business bits – that is relatively easy – your job is to be clear about which of your gifts you’d like to earn money from 

Just a few starting thoughts – hope they help a little

Hi Emma

I really empathise! I resigned as a ward sister in 2000 without a  clue what I was going to do, but I let myself try different things (drama, singing, personal development, coaching, travel...)and explore who I really was. Nick and his ideas and services have really helped.

I have a feeling you are worried about having 'wasted' your time, and are 'giving up' all your medical training. You are still able to use all you know in whatever you do. You can use your knowledge of the body, illness, health and so on in your own way. You say you love to tlak about health and how the body works. If you can do this in a way that others can understand, then fantastic! Look at the current young, funky doctors on TV now.

Check out Alison Grimston, the holistic doctor.

The NHS is full of people who can't be who they want to be, or help and heal people in a geuine and authentic way.

I am now using my expertise and experience in coaching and helping nurses. Let us know how you get on!

Claire

http://www.happynurses.co.uk

Wow, your post reminds me of when I left the corporate world and moved back in, aged 24, with my parents. I felt like I was really taking a step backwards. Looking back though I don't regret a day of it. 

Life is still scary as I carve out my ideal way of living, but it is so great to be free and doing what I want, not what others say I should do.

Thanks for writing this, it's so inspiring.

Andy maxwell

Bristol

Hi Emma

Thanks for opening up and sharing what's in your heart with us. Just to reinforce what HappyNurse has said - you haven't wasted your years of medical training and experience. Infact, you sound like you are ideally placed with your medical background to teach people about healthy and holistic lifestyles. You are already owning your strengths/talents - you are a teacher through different media - writing and speaking. And I bet you, the more you do, the better you'll get! You are so powerful because you have a foundation in allopathic medicine and have also embraced other schools of thought e.g. eastern philosophy.

I can relate to you because I am a Pharmacist but have found it to be too limiting and I am shifting my focus to indigenous medicine. So like you, I have the allopathic/"western" medicine foundation, but expanding my world view and therefore my work.

I think you will find that people will value your broad world view as you implement it into your practice. E.g. you already know about physiology and therefore can effortlessly pinpoint and explain the benefits of practicing yoga. Plus help people to practice it in a safe manner.

From what you've shared, it sounds like you know exactly what you want - you have quite a comprehensive plan here. I can empathise with feeling intimidated about having no business training, but as you say, with baby steps you will learn and expand your knowledge in this area. And you will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about! (This is also advice for myself!)

Blessings,
Nyokabi

Dear Nyokabi

Thank you so much for your reply!!  Sorry for my delay!! I decided to go and sit by the seashore for a few days, to try to get my head straight!

I can really feel that you know what I mean, about being in the 'wrong place', and conventional medicine. I always had a sense that its a limited beast...Ive very broad psychological, physical, spiritual focus, and found that the 'medical model' was limiting for me. I know very well how acute medical intervention in emergency and other situations, is the solution, but as you knoe full well, many issues 90% are chronic/lifestyle, and that I felt is where I was frustrated...

Is so great to know that others have stepped outside too, and are finding a place. Its interesting to me that in yr2 of med school, I applied to a herbal medicine college, but couldnt get the funding then of course...I think that was an early sign to me, I missed, and many since...

Its very inspirational to me, your story....thank you for sharing it with me. And all your encouragement.

Love and light

Emma

Dear Andrew,

Thank you so much for your reply, and support. Im sorry for my delayed reply. Went to sit on a beach for a bit. Very rainy!

I admire you so much for having the courage to stand up and follow your heart, when its so much easier to stay 'comfy'. Sometimes we have to demolish things we've built, flimsy things, with little substance, however 'shiny'and apealling they look....to build something solid on rock, ooh its hard, its the last thing we want to do, or face up to....but the prize is to have your Self, and being able to fly....and nothing else can make up for that...

Thanks Andy

(I think that was to myself too!!)

Love and light

Emma

Dear Claire

Thank you so much for your inspiring reply... Im sorry for my delay! Ive been sitting on a beach..

Its so great to know that conventional medicine is limiting to others...Its never really worked for me...yes, of course, emergency acute work, but as you know, the vast majority of work is people hurting from chronic medical, psychological and spiritual and  lifestyle issues, and I dont think the 'medical model' is very good at dealing with those....it was very frustrating to me. Your email made me realise, there are probaly many of us, of course...

I loved your phrase ' help and heal in a genuine and authentic way'....that really summed up for me...how i feel

I am so glad you have found an authentic place to be...I think NHS staff are really struggling with the confines and increasing limitations of the NHS

would you keep in touch?

Love and light

Emma

Dear Nick

Thank you so much for all your supportive and inspiring thoughts. Sorry for my delayed reply!! I went to sit by the seashore for a few days!

You are incredible insightful...

This week I have thought a lot...seashore and all that...

Self-acceptance is the key for me...just letting myself be. Its been so hard. Ive spent my life being a chameleon, trying to be square when Im a lovely shiny yellow round!!

I think, actually, I have loads of creative and inspiring ideas, but I crush them all in a moment, like i cant let myself blossom...

I'm certain  'putting my foot in the water' and testing whether there is a market for my skills will be a massive fear-busting thing for me, even if its a baby baby step.

Its just standing by yourself, I think, that seems hard and lonely....just drawing a circle around yourself and asking what can I do from here, right now? Its so easy to dive in to anything else but face that circle...

I understand from your email..the business bits you can teach or learn....its crystallising the bit of me I offer to the world, thats the key, to a business.

You have given me many many thoughts...to muse on

I'm thinking....

Love and light Nick

Emma 

Hi Emma

Glad you took some time away - yes, being comfortable in our own skin and accepting ourselves seems such a simple idea and yet it is the issue I still struggle with most, but I guess we all do. I still find it easier to judge myself rather than love myself alot of the time.  i think the more you love yourself the more you'll be able to love your ideas and stop crushing you and them. But also, don't let "I must love and accept more" become another thing on the "to do list" before you can start living your authentic life. I think it is part of the journey, not a precursor to the journey.

Take care

Nick

Dear Nick

It does seem accepting our selves is the hardest thing!! Its the 'bigness' of us we fear, as you say. Sometimes I get a glimpse of full on me...Its an amazing thing,but a scary thing...sometimes I dont understand why we smother ourselves in everything anything...addictions, food, distractions, work....to stop our true light shining....If we could just lay it all down and shine and love...wouldnt that be an amazing place!!!

Thanks Nick

Emma

Hi Emma

Yes, I totally agree with you. I don't know if you know the book I recommend to Scott here:

http://club.inspired-entrepreneur.com/groups/inspired_teaching/forum/addpost.aspx?ReplyToPostID=591

It is the best book I ever read on understanding our resistance

Nick

Thanks Nick

I'll read it.

Could I ask you a very simple question? is my first baby step sitting here writing a business plan or scribbling out a poster to stick on lamp posts and post offices walls just getting people together, and just doing what I can do?

I think I answered my own question, but its so ctrange!!

I ll get scribbling. No reply required

Emma

Hiya

Yes, first steps are often about thinking, formulating and planning, then move on to small action steps as soon as possible

Nick

Hi Emma

I've just read through all the postings on this thread.... I echo much of what others have said; well done - good luck!  You can be YOU and earn a living.  Regarding 'write a plan' or 'stick up posters'..... why not do both!  The responses you get from posters, and talking to others, will help you forumlate your more formal plan.... whatever you do it will be right.

Have fun - remember 'it's never too late to change what you want to be when you grow up'!

Sharon

www.sharonlangford.com

Dear Sharon

Thank you so much for your reply. It seemed so strikingly obvious when I read it, I was shocked...and embararessed..... My resistance is a terrible thing. Things have moved on a little in the last few weeks, and I am determined now to have make my business rock!  Ive broken my heart many times thinking its all too late..Its not and there is always a way...thank you for your support!!

Love Emma x

Dear Emma

Thank you for sharing your story. Even though you seem confused, I think you are standing, just by being here and sharing your up's and down's. Your vision sounds wonderful and I have every confidence it will take the right shape at the right time - good luck!

I resonate with some of your story. I am a 56yr old woman, who has always intuitively been shown the next stage, but at the moment I cannot seem to find the direction I need. I am divorced and my kids are grown so I only have to think of myself.  Sometimes I think I have the new path, then because it has  not yet drawn fruit I doubt myself again.

I have a deep spiritual path and wonder what I am on about now.. How can I be solvent and stop being on the treadmill?

Anyway, if you ever want to talk about meditation, or your new vision give me a call.

Be well,

Sally  - 01932 848202